Tomato Soup with grilled cheese (and the Importance of Making Yourself Happy)
PLUS disaster Valentine's Day stories from readers!
I love love—but I don’t love Valentine’s Day. If you’re someone with high expectations, it rarely goes well. If you’re young and even mildly insecure (so… all of us at some point), Valentine’s Day lurks in February like a mean girl, waiting to make you feel unspecial. Unless, of course, you’re with someone who (major caveat) understands your love language, can read minds, or you’re both expert communicators. The odds of that? Let’s just say that when I asked for reader-submitted Valentine’s disaster stories… there wasn’t enough room in this newsletter to print them all. (They’re at the bottom, after the recipe, FYI.)
And let’s be real—being with someone isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Can we stop acting like singlehood is a tragic condition? This is something I so want to impress upon my young daughter: you don’t need to be part of a romantic couple to be happy. If I’d understood that in my teens and twenties, I would have enjoyed them a lot more.
It wasn’t until I learned to be happy on my own—in my mid-thirties, with the help of therapy, sobriety, and time spent truly getting to know myself—that I finally found myself in a solid, healthy relationship. Once I realized I was already whole, that I was responsible for my own happiness, it was like another dimension opened. I learned to enjoy my own company, to be my own best friend and to stop treating love like a frantic game of musical chairs—rushing to grab a seat before I was left standing alone. Turns out, the real prize is knowing you’re perfectly fine standing on your own.
Romantic love becomes a choice—an addition to an already fulfilling life, not the thing that defines it. And the best part? You don’t need to choose love—you choose it because you want to, not because you’re searching for happiness in someone else. When you’re secure in your own happiness, love becomes something you embrace and give freely, not something you cling to for validation or security. And that shift? It changes everything.
Zach and I have been together for ten years now, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about holidays that involve gifting, it’s this: realistic expectations, self-care, and a sense of humor are the key ingredients for a Valentine’s Day that doesn’t leave you feeling low. Most couples I know who’ve been together for decades—and pretty much every mom I know—have figured this out.
A cliché, movie-style Valentine’s Day is like a soufflé—romantic in theory, but prone to spectacular collapse. Dinner at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day? No thanks. (Dining out on Super Bowl Sunday? Genius. You can get a reservation anywhere.) Candles, real napkins, fresh flowers? Yes—but let’s make those everyday things. (Psst! That’s one of my daily happiness hacks.)
Another way to boost your own happiness? A random act of kindness.
My advice? Make a cozy dinner at home. Buy silly heart-shaped chocolates for your kids, your BFF, a teacher, a coworker, your house cleaner, your barista, your neighbor—someone who deserves a little thanks and wouldn’t expect it. And buy some good chocolate for yourself (or another little luxury you enjoy). Bring your loved one coffee or tea in bed, or wherever they start their day. Tell them you love them. Have a dance party. Bake something sweet that lasts a few days.
No one has ever had their night ruined by a random act of kindness. Or a bowl of perfect tomato soup and a grilled cheese. Or a flourless chocolate tart. Although plenty of other things have ruined the big V… (scroll to the bottom for reader-submitted Valentine’s Day disasters).
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Cozy Tomato Soup + The Perfect Grilled Cheese
This soup is velvety, rich, and deeply comforting (more than I can say for the Valentines’s Day experiences below.)
One big note: Use good quality San Marzano tomatoes. There are very few ingredients in this recipe so you want them to be high quality.
Tomato Soup
Serves about 6
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium to large onion (yellow or white), diced
2 stalks celery, roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
2 cans (28 oz each) crushed San Marzano Roma tomatoes
2 cups chicken stock (I use either homemade stock or "Better Than Bouillon"; for a vegetarian version, use vegetable stock or water)
1 pint heavy cream (for a dairy-free option, leave it out or use coconut milk)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Optional: pinch of red pepper flakes, fresh basil for garnish
Instructions:
Sauté the Aromatics:
In a large pot or Dutch oven, heat the olive oil over medium heat. Add the diced onion, celery, and garlic. Season with a good pinch of salt and some pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5-7 minutes.Simmer the Soup:
Pour in the crushed Roma tomatoes and chicken stock. If you like a subtle basil flavor throughout, toss in a few fresh basil leaves at this stage and remove them before blending (or leave them in if you don’t mind a few green flecks). Bring to a gentle simmer and let it cook for at least 20 minutes, or up to 45 minutes, stirring occasionally. Keep the lid slightly ajar to allow steam to escape while preventing too much evaporation.Blend:
Use an immersion blender to puree the soup directly in the pot, or carefully transfer it in batches to a blender. If you don’t mind a more rustic soup, you can skip this step.Finish with Cream:
Reduce the heat to low and slowly stir in the heavy cream (or coconut milk for a dairy-free version). Let it warm through for a few minutes, but don’t let it boil. Taste and season with salt, black pepper, and a pinch of red pepper flakes if desired.Serve:
Ladle into bowls. If you want to garnish it, you can do a drizzle of cream or olive oil, fresh basil, or a simple sprinkle of black pepper. Big rustic croutons are another great choice.
The Perfect Grilled Cheese (Makes 2 Sandwiches)
Ingredients:
4 slices sourdough bread
1.5 cups grated Gruyère (or sharp cheddar), or 4-6 oz. cheese, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons butter, softened
A pinch of flaky salt
Instructions:
Butter & Assemble:
Spread a thin layer of butter on one side of each slice of sourdough. Flip two slices over and evenly divide the Gruyère (or cheddar) between them. Top with the remaining slices, butter side out.Grill to Perfection:
Heat a large skillet or griddle over medium-low heat. Place both sandwiches in the pan and cook until golden brown and crispy, about 3-4 minutes per side. Press down slightly with a spatula as they cook to ensure the cheese melts evenly.Finish with Salt:
Once off the heat, sprinkle a pinch of flaky salt over the top and bottom of each sandwich—it makes all the difference.Serve:
Slice diagonally and serve hot with tomato soup for optimal dunking.
And for dessert…or to take little slices of all week long…
Valentine’s Day Disasters…
And in the spirit of humor, I asked my Instagram followers and fellow moms for their worst Valentine’s Day stories—and they delivered. Disasters, cringe, and even some tear-jerkers, all serving as little reminders of gratitude and perspective. At the end of the day, the best (and only) thing to do with a Valentine’s Day fiasco is laugh about it together.
Here are just some of the responses:
One V Day my boyfriend at the time hadn't mentioned anything about Valentine's Day, so when I got a text that afternoon that said "I picked up some steaks to put on the grill" I thought, oh that sounds perfect. Then he wrote "oops that was for [roommate's name]."
One year I was so excited to buy my boyfriend a Valentines’s gift. I bought all this cute, fun stuff and put it in a nice bag to give it to him (I was so excited.) A month later I found it absolutely untouched, unpacked in his trunk. Boyfriend to husband to ex husband.
Jason and I were together for 24 years. His birthday was Valentine’s Day. I always made fondue. Cheese with grilled steak, sourdough, caramelized onions, veggies, and then chocolate fondue with all the stuff. About 15 years in, when the kids were 16 and 13, he told me (us) at dinner that he hated Fondue. Hated it! It was actually funny and we laughed about it, but dude! You could have told me earlier! After he died, the kids asked if we could still have fondue for our own Valentines bc they loved it!
I spent Valentine's Day 2020 with a man who said we were exclusive. He bought me a plant, and I taught him to make lasagna. He slept with someone else the next day.
This isn't a disaster, but my (now) husband and I got into a HUGE fight one of our first Valentine's Days together, because we both said we didn't want to do anything big- but only one of us interpreted that as literally doing nothing. Not even seeing each other. HUGE fight. So we made a pledge then and there to have very clear, very achievable, very low expectations for every Valentine's day moving forward. 23 years later we still do the same damn thing every year. No surprises. Safer that way. Eat cheap fried chicken as an early dinner, eat a treat, feel sleepy, go to sleep. 23 years.
We had been dating a month but hadn’t slept together. On valentines day we had a romantic dinner and went back to his place to watch a movie. Things got sexy and we moved to the bedroom. I was on the bed and he went into the bathroom. While I was waiting I looked at his bedside table and there was a used condom. Never put my clothes on faster in my life.
My college boyfriend’s best friend was dating my best friend and the boys took us on a surprise double date. We asked what we should wear and they said “business casual”. The big surprise was taking us to a shitty college bar for burgers and then to a monster truck rally. They thought it was funny to make us wear the very worst clothing choice for a monster truck rally.
Well I married a man.. soooo
This isn’t a “bad Valentine’s Day” per se but my sister’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day and so I’ve always viewed it as a non holiday. My ex-husband was terrible at gifts (we dated for all my 20s) and I made it a mission to buy myself flowers every Valentine’s Day and it’s a tradition I still uphold to this day!
My friend and I said fuck valentine's and went to a hot springs in the mountains in New Mexico...where she promptly got an all-weekend migraine from the altitude and I got food poisoning from the water. We barely left our rooms. Good times!
I once went on a first date on Valentine’s Day. We said fuck it, could be a great story. We met at Moonshadows (RIP) and the minute he pulled up in his red mustang, even the valet looked at me like “run!” He looked at least 20 years older than his best photo. By the time we ordered I was desperate to leave. Over appetizers he told me he paid his ex wife $19.98/month in support for their cat. When I asked why he had gotten divorced, he said, “best I can figure, she had a psychotic break.” Longest. Night. Ever.
I married the wrong person on Valentine’s Day 2015?! Happily divorced now!
My mom died on Valentine Day last year. I realize that wasn't what you were looking for, but the day will never be fun for me.
This guy I was seeing invited me on a “surprise” trip Valentine’s weekend. I was thinking cute cabin in the woods or spa-hotel. We went to his mom’s house. She complained about everything the whole time and on Sunday when we were leaving she handed me a bucket with cleaning products and asked me to clean the bathroom before we left. He didn’t even know it was V day, he just thought it was time I met his mom. How is that not something you discuss first???? I think that’s when I first realized I needed to work on my boundaries and communication expectations.
Valentines Day, 1992 I was 15, my friends and I went to a club called “the Wetlands” in NYC to see the band The Spin Doctors. We ended up meeting the band and were hanging out and mid conversation with the bass player I threw up. I then ran downstairs and threw up all the way in the hall toward toward the bathroom. I smelled of vomit the whole show because my ride wasn’t leaving. Later that night I found out my brothers friend who was also at the show slipped and fell in my vomit.
My boyfriend and I were in our 20’s and we splurged by going to a fancy seafood dinner in Jacksonville Florida. It was delicious. We went home and were about to have sex when both of our stomachs exploded and instead of having sex we had explosive diarrhea the entire night.
Could have been worst but ended up sweet. In middle school we could send each other carnations for Valentines. Red for love and white for friendship. Well one Valentine's, I got so many red carnations from ‘anonymous’ people with cute poems, and one slimy rude poem one. Turned out, the mean girls in my class (they were truly awful) assumed I would get nothing that year and sent me the slimy one so they could laugh when I got it delivered. Some of the boys found out and decided to send me flowers too. I didn’t find out for a while. It was so sweet. I just remember one of the mean girls scrunching her face when I got loads of carnations.
That’s it for now! If you’re not already, you can follow me on Instagram at @everythingyouwanttoeat where I share lots of cooking stories. And if you have anything to say/ask, drop me a note either via DM or in the comments below.
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How lucky am I that I have these ingredients! You rock 🩷